LIFE OF A ‘GIDI BROKEASS #1

I promised to write a story but I have been stalling for months. I finally decided to write a note to self to start the new series coupled with a V.I.P’s day at hand so………..This episode is dedicated to a very close friend, fellow blogger on his birthday – Happy birthday Seye Babalola. May the sun always shine on you and may you find open doors everywhere you turn. 4-3
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Wole was an idiot. Even his closest friends knew that. He was a good looking young man, still unsure if he wanted to be a skirt chaser, a gigolo or an avid womanizer. He just went with the flow occupying himself with whichever opportunity presented itself. Yes, that was what he tagged all his adventures – ‘opportunity’. They were exasperated with his antics, his refusal to grow a root and stick to a type of relationship but they couldn’t help themselves, one couldn’t stay mad at Wole for long. Besides, it was his life and it provided their boring existence with frequent entertainment. Holding the position of Head teller at one of the top banks in the country, his friends always wondered what he had done to get there in barely a year.

Suave with women, he perfected a way of cracking his devilish half-smile to wriggle into their heads. This was the only explanation they could come up with because the last person that appraised him was a woman – single mother, probably lonely as hell and got the itch at odd times. Wole had sure been smiling too much to that lady. But, Oh well! What was done was done. He had the position but he had no ‘enhanced financial statement’ to show for it. When his friends asked him, he would always say it was just an admin position with no perks attached to it besides first choice at sampling the ladies. This he always delivered with a wink to his friends deep sigh. They knew when not to push an issue with him. He could be as tight-lipped as a clam sometimes when it came to his ‘opportunities’.

“don’t mind Wole. He is just a brokeass gidi boy posing for girls with his Opebi apartment and flashy car. Shi shi he no get for account” His friends would say when they met for drinks at the bar and Wole begins his characteristic frantic pat-cum-search for his wallet which he always never found or gave his standard “I can’t believe I left my wallet in the office again”

“Oniranu sombori. Why you no go leave am when we get hang-out? Why don’t you leave it at home when you go to the cinema with one of your opportunities?” Lanre flung at him
“But if I did that, I won’t get to take advantage of the opportunity so-presented would I?” Wole would respond with deadpan calm
“You are just an idiot walahy” came Wale’s rejoinder as the rest of them threw jibes at him
“Oho dai! Una sha don pick the tab abi? Oya, let’s go make I drop una for una junction. One opportunity go knock my door around 11pm and I no wan miss am” came his chirpy voice
“which yeye junction? Na house you go drop me o. I no fit get okada enter my estate this kind time and the waka from the gate ehn!” Dare protests
“You go crash my house be that” Lanre offers
“Ha! 11pm bawo? Na night train she dey carry come?”
“Abi na your landlord pikin wan sneak come after her papa don sleep?”
“Guy, I hope say no be person wife dey sneak come that kind time o!”
“Abeg, if na person wife come that kind time, which time she wan take go back house naa? Nawa for you o. You no just dey reason at all” Wole replies
“So na that your landlord pikin eh?” Dare persisited
“E concern you? Abi make I give you the number?” Wole retorted
“badt sharp guy! Mehn! Just give us gist when you finish that job. Oyonshi pikin” Lanre says in part adulation

Lanre is the youngest and by far the easiest on the eye. He is also a big spender from an affluential background which had unfortunatley, not bettered his chances with the women contrary to his expectations. The guys tease him mercilessly about his molly-coddled childhood which they feel is responsible somewhat for his crippled self confidence and inability to walk up to a girl and just talk to her. He envies the ease with which Wole seems to fork women over to his lair without even having anything to offer them. After a while, Lanre had begun to think Wole’s opportunities were either uneducated or had IQs lower than 5 to fall for his bullshitting front each time without fail. He had met a couple of them afterwards and was forced to change his initial assumption. At the moment, he was borderline envious of Wole’s good fortune with opportunities. He could give almost anything to switch places with Wole even if it was only for a week.

“Na una know o. I no hold una make una no find opportunity go o” came the jovial comeback.
The back door closed shut as they pulled out of the parking lot. Lanre was close behind with Dare in his car.

***********************************************************************************
“Hello. Baby I miss you.” listening for a bit “I miss you naa. When are you coming over?”
“I’m serious. You don’t ever believe me. Don’t you miss me too?” pause again
“oh! You do? How much? Prove it!” he demands
“You see…………I miss you. I miss being inside you. You don’t miss me at all that’s why you keep telling me all these stories. Baby, come over nau. Please” he croons
“Next weekend? Are you sure? I’ll stay home and wait for you or should I drop the key for you in the usual spot?” listening for a bit to the voice on the other end
“Alright. Cool then. I’ll leave the key for you just inside the burglary gate” he hangs up and punches the empty air in controlled excitement

Yes! Lola was coming over this weekend if all goes according to her plan. He was keeping his fingers crossed and scheduling two other opportunities as back-up incase Lola failed to turn up. She was getting good at putting him out to dry with her excuses and smooth story-telling. But out of all his opportunities, she was the closest to something he missed and always wanted around. Perhaps it was because she was much of a gamer just like him and knew exactly the push n’ pull of the game – when to be in his space and when to stay away else he would have tired of her a long time ago. As a result, Lola was the only one of his opportunities he actually dialed on the phone.

The rest, he would just send WhatsApp messages or direct messages on twitter depending on the social media he was on at the time. She had somehow gotten under his skin enough to get a passionate reaction from him – he had deleted her from his Blackberry Messenger during one of their frequent spats but because she was so mule-headed, she had never asked for his pin after that or even tried to re-add him like the others who would plead, whine and sometimes even sulk until he gave them his pin. If there would be any of them to turn him, it would have to be someone like this – one with spunk and self-pride.

Remembering an opportunity he just came across last week at the mall when Lola was at the ice-cream counter to pay for her purchase, he had quickly sneaked his card with the pretty orange and black colors and his name written across in white to the cute girl to write her number and name for him before Lola noticed. On retrieving the card from the girl, he had automatically looked at the name, disappointed because involuntarily, it occurred to him that this new opportunity may be clumsy where it mattered having such a name couldn’t be good for the bedroom. Shrugging, he pocketed the card, winked at Esther and quickly turned to catch Lola’s arm as she swiveled towards him. He felt this was the perfect time to arrange for Esther to convince him his first impression was wrong. It would be easy to cancel with her if Lola did indeed show up.
Locating her number on WhatsApp since she was still a fresher and he needed convincing before adding her on other social networks. She looked like the type that constantly have a new photoshopped exhibit for Instagram and would follow Kim K there too. In his opinion, those kind of girls didn’t deserve any type of conversation in the bedroom only a come hither-lay down-do the deed-and be gone sort of relationship. Anything else said would be wasted like water off a duck’s back anyway.

Laying back on his sofa, he puts a Childish Gambino album for white noise so he can play 30 minutes of World War Z before finally surrendering to sleep. The next day was after all a weekend and he didn’t have to be anywhere early. Pouring himself half a glass of scotch, he smiled remembering what Lola would say “Can you even bone me without scotch in your veins?” but she’d still kiss his boner nevertheless to make it stiffer.
Dang! He was already growing hard simply from remembering. He wondered if she ever believed him when he told her he missed her although he wasn’t sure himself if what he missed was the sex or her complex mind. She never failed to make him think even when they sat indoors all day not chatting, but occupied with individual things – him playing a video game and she looking up things on the internet.

She always said profound things like “This is how bad communication would be by the time kids are grown up. Five people will be in the same room and no one would be talking to each other.” However, she always went right back to whatever she was undoing unlike the other opportunities that kept testing this imaginary girl power by trying to lure or remove the present distraction from him. It never works. That was why she was always his first choice for a booty call. Oops! Was she just a booty call after all?
Everything was going to be fine now. Lola will be here tomorrow he told himself as he began to doze off. A discreet knock on his door brought him back to wakefulness. He had totally forgot he was expecting Chioma. Oh well! She always had energy enough for two and the best part was that she would sneak away before dawn too because her fiance’s brother lived downstairs.
“Who is it?” he asked gruffly to cover the bases
“me” came back squeakily
She would be mad that he had asked who it was but he liked her that way since it won’t prevent the booty from being his tonight. It only meant she would leave even earlier in the morning. With scotch in his veins, he would be dead asleep soon enough. Perfect!
She slid inside with blazing eyes in her eerily calm face. She didn’t even mention what he knew had just got her annoyed. He had no intention of asking anyways. The less the attachment the better.

“Hey baby! How has your day been? I have missed you” he crooned in his standard opening lie trying to pull her stiff unwilling body closer
“hmmn. Missed me indeed. I was here last night. Remember?”
“really? That feels like last week already. You see how much I miss you all the time?” persuading
“hmmn”
“You don’t believe me? That hurts.” making hurt faces
“Alright. Come let me show you how much I missed you” pulling her towards the sofa since it was going to be quick anyway. She came willingly enough for someone pissed at him. Smiling a private smile, he got to work fast. The faster, the more convinced she would be that he had missed her. Switching the smug smile to a softer one, he by-passed her mouth attacking her breast first. She was blessed with such full breasts that always spilled out of whatever was trying to contain them – their cups, her dress, his hands, his mouth…..the one thing he absolutely loved about his little Sasha fierce.

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6 thoughts on “LIFE OF A ‘GIDI BROKEASS #1

  1. Nice, flowing story! If I catch Wole hehn!!! Sis, play close attention to punctuation nd grammar…everything else is shipshape!! #KeepUpTheGoodWork

    • Thank you for noting that Funke. Oscar is my official editor and proof-reader but this was designed as a surprise so I couldn’t show him. Haha. Thnks again for leaving comments…..toodles

  2. HMMM LIFE OF A GIDI BROKEASS….
    Woah I don’t think men like wole are in this world….KIA CHIOMA, LOLA, ESTHER ETC NA WA O

    GOOD JOB AUNTY AYO nice write up
    BLESSINGS

    • Hahahaha Dear Cynthia, trust me when I say there are still men like Wole all around us. God spare us. Tnks as always and I hope by the time you relocate to……you know where, You and I may be interested in starting a serial together.
      *hugs

  3. I’m so elated this finally started and I’m happier you caught me by surprise. Thanks for always making me feel like the world’s number 1 citizen My Lady.
    This your Wole get as e be sha o. Interestingly, fake lifers end up having a good one somehow.
    Now next time, don’t surprise Oscar for too long again o. Let’s get his flat behind seated somewhere and do our proof reading and editing.
    Thanks once again sweetlies. God bless you

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