MAD MEN PREACHING JESUS…..

Saturday the 13th of September 2014. It was morning and I was still stretching catlike in bed, gingerly touching my new, hair stylist’s handwork from the night before. This young lady had spent over 5 hours to pick every strand of my hair.

 M just got to her sister’s shop reluctantly opened the door and began to dust and sweep lamenting the previous night’s work and how she had closed shop at a quarter to 12am. She was understandably tired from last night and was not in the mood to open shop. Unfortunately, she had a hair appointment coming in a few minutes and she wanted to be on time.

She was still cleaning when this fat, dark young man walks up to the door giving out tracts. He gives one to the pregnant lady M is lamenting to.

She looks at the address on the tract “Your church too far from my house I no go fit attend una service. No vex o” Pregnant lady declines as politely as she could

He directs his attention to M. She also tries to refuse but he would hear none of it.

“Am a muslim, I don’t go to church so I can’t come. Make I no waste your tract if i collect am because I nor go come. Give another person”

He insists, pushing a bit farther into the already tight shop.

“You must collect am if not I go vex beat u”

“I don’t want. I say i no dey go church” She is starting to raise her voice frustrated that this particular young man isn’t getting her simple message “Go Away”.

“I will be very angry if you don’t collect it”

“I no want ah! na by force? I say I no want abi u wan beat me?”

He moves further into the small 6×6 space effectively putting the pregnant lady behind him and outside the shop.

“leave her now. she says she no want the tract. na by force?” pregnant lady chides from behind him

“If you don’t collect it, I will beat you” he threatens and she must have obviously thought this was a rhetorically idle threat.

Next thing, he rushes towards her, she feints to the side as far as the small cramped space would let her. A chair stops her midway, he grabs at her, pulling her towards him while simultaneously reaching for a pepsi bottle lying on the floor beside the door. He breaks this on her head in a single downward stab.

“yeeee! O pa mi o. o gun mi pa” she screams

Pregnant lady looks in, realizes this was no longer a tete-a-tete, rushes in and tries to pull the mad man off of M, he turns towards her, arm raised, still holding the bottle with a crazed look in his eyes. She decides he has really gone over the bridge and rushes back outside to get help.

From across the same street, another woman comes to try and remove the mad man from astride M. He turns on both women and they flee for dear life. They stand screaming in the street for help which wasn’t coming while M screamed on intermittently from inside the shop like a woman in labor pains.

“ye! O gun mi pa o. ye! Ori mi o” no help forthcoming in the broad daylight

The screams continued for some minutes before she staggered out of the shop with blood running down her arm into her dress from a slash in her wrist. Two fountains spurting from the sides of her head. She looked like one of Van Goh’s painting come to life and walking the streets of Lagos. She was floundering in the street like a fish out of water.

Her assailant stepped out of he shop and looked on calmly as if nothing untoward had happened.

M staggered into the arms of the pregnant lady who was already crying because the girl looked like she would pass out any minute from all the blood loss.

However, they managed to put her on a motorcycle, asking the motorcyclist to take her straight to the police station to lodge a complaint before treatment at the hospital.

The poor girl. She had been stabbed on the both sides of her head, one spot at the back of her head and various slashes on her wrist while trying to protect her neck. A shard of bottle about 3 inches long was removed from the right side of her head at the hospital and it took a while to staunch the flow of blood from the head wounds.

“She don go police station go bring olopa” The mad man was informed

“Make she bring them. I dey wait for here” He calmly responded and also acted true to his words.

When someone promises you saying”I SHALL NOT LEAVE YOU UNTIL YOU ACCEPT JESUS AS YOUR LORD AND PERSONAL SAVIOR”, they just might mean it literally. However, let’s call a spade a spade, there is no compulsion in religion. Forcing someone to accept your spiritual beliefs should be the least of your worries until you are certain you have enough good deeds to get you into heaven already.

Yoruba people say “s’adura kin s’amin, kosi ija ni church”.

hmmmmmn diariz God o!

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